At the IPA Office in Busia, we have two sweet and occasionally feisty Kenyan women who do all the little things that we need to actually have a functioning office: stocking the copy room, cleaning the floors, and making us Kenyan chai (basically a pot of hot whole milk with a bucket of sugar and a few tea leaves at the bottom). Their names are Florence and Roselyn. Can we pause for a minute here and consider just how awesome it is that we actually have two sassy old ladies named Flo and Roz running our office? I feel like I just walked into a real-life ‘70s sitcom. As a bit of relevant background for this story, you should know that Roselyn has also appointed herself my unofficial Swahili tutor, and apparently believes in some new immersive teaching method where I learn by her speaking to me exclusively in rapid unintelligible Swahili. She has even Swahili-cized my name, calling me “Andereya” whenever she addresses me in Swahili.
This particular exchange took place as I returned from a meeting with the District Medical Officer and District Public Health Officer of Busia. As with all the government meetings I attend, I was dressed up in a shirt and tie, which is a rare sight in the Busia office since most of us go pretty casual for normal field or office work. As I walk into the office, I run into Flo and Roselyn sharing a papaya for lunch…
Roselyn: Andereya! Habari ya mchana? [Andrew! What is the news of your afternoon?]
Me: (pleased that I actually know this particular greeting) Mzuri sana, Roselyn! Habari ya watoto? [Very good, Roselyn! What is the news of your children?]
Roselyn: (Something long and complicated in Swahili, where the only words I catch are “good”, “today”, and “banana”)
Me: … (looking desperately at Flo for help)
Flo: (laughs at me)
Roselyn: (finally noticing the fact that I am wearing a tie) Ay! Andereya, you are looking so smart today!
Me: Aww, thanks Roselyn!
Roselyn: You look like the son of the most high king!
Me: (confused) I don’t know what that means.
Flo: (incredulous) Sure? You do not know the most high king?
Me: (now seriously confused) … … … God?
Roselyn: (clearly happy that I have finally caught on) Eh! [Kenyan expression for “yes”]
Me: Soooo you’re saying I look like …. Jesus.
Flo and Roselyn: (laughing again) Eh!
Me: (entirely uncomfortable with this comparison) Umm … so how is your pawpaw fruit?
Flo: Is so sweet! Will you take some?
Me: (well aware of the fact that they will not take no for an answer) Noooo, it’s ok, I am satisfied.
Roselyn: (laughing) Imagine! You must take, you are as skinny as a mosquito! [Kenyan English pronunciation guide: moss-kwee-toe]
Me: (wondering what has happened to this conversation and how I just got compared to both Jesus Christ and a mosquito within the span of thirty seconds, while two old women crack each other up about how thin I am) …yes, ma’am.
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